30.10 Ordinary world

2004-11-03 05:10 GMT

What's up with Jay? Well, I'll have to start somewhere and this is as good time and place as any. It's not yet time to bury Jay Surfer. His so extraordinary and such a lovely fellow.

Yesterday we arrived to this place called Nimbin. It's supposed to be Amsterdam of Australia. I guess that most of these people have never been to Amsterdam, because it's a big city and there are loads of other things than just smoking there. Like the red light district... man I loved that place and the whole city. So actually Nimbin is a small village in middle of nowhere. There are only few houses and pretty much everything is on one street. But there are lots of old hippies here and weed is sold and smoked quite openly. I really can't tell much about the nightlife, or as a matter of fact about anything, because when we arrived here I was already a little high. On our way here from Byron Bay, we met this hitchhiker who offered us a joint and drew a map here when we took him home. He also invited us to his Halloween party today. We are definetly going to go there. Soon after our arrival and setting a base camp at caravan park, Joe went and bought some weed while I was chilling at the car. When he came back I rolled a joint and that was about it for the day. We have some ...hmmm... interesting video material about the evening. I only left car for couple of moments after that, so I can't really tell what is the nightlife here... And I was really hungry all the time. I had to chew something every moment. After a while I was completely full, but still I had to keep eating. I ate like a pack of horses.

I haven't been writing this diary for a while, so someone might be wondering (I really doubt it) am I alright and what I've been doing all time. Truth is that I had a serious mental collapse. I was depressed for about a week and after that I was half the time just plain mad and other half depressed. I can't explain the whole thing without telling you the story of my life, if I would I doubt that you'd still understand, and because I owe no one nothing, I'm not going to explain anything. At some point I would like to say few words about depression as a disease, but right now if anyone is really interested, I'm sure that there are tons of good literature about it. Go ahead and pick a book. I'll try to leave all the shit behind.

I still see nightmares about my life, only to wake up and realise that at least some of them are true. I bet that uncle Freud would have intresting notes about them, if I would really belive in any of his shit. Once in a while I still find myself looking to nothingness with empty glassy eyes, but I won't cry for yesterday, there's an ordinary world somehow I have to find. And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world I will learn to survive. From the pure shores and endless ocean, my mind has found peace. When you are out there catching the waves, you understand how good life can be. So what has been happening to me while I wasn't writing diary. A lot of interesting things of course. I don't know what Joe has told in his diary, the secret is that I never read it unless he asks me to, but maybe you'll find some details there. I've seen pro wrestling, tasted the spirit of the land (=smoked weed) with aborginals and after more than a month I finally started jerking off again. Just to mention few things. The bad side is that I haven't been really able to enjoy all these things until recently. But from now on I'll try to concentrate on future and all the important things. That is to surf and to get laid as Mark Richards would say it. Basically I'll just keep on drinking, smoking, rocking and trying to get laid and catch waves. It's so simple. Those are the things Jay Surfer is supposed to do. No worries mates.