Thanks for support
2004-10-19 08:37 GMT
I had a couple of worst days in my life. A small reason triggered depression. I've been real bad. In a way I'm lucky to still be alive, such a careless I was and did stupid things to myself. It's a real problem, althought the reason that started it was mental, the state in itself is definetly physical.Right now most of the images and memories are blurred to me and I need to get some distance to them. I feel like I'm dreaming. It's a nightmare. When I have enough time, I'll gather the thoughts and write them all down. For now I probably won't be able to write this diary for a while. Until then all the support is appriciated. Send me mail or something. And once again thanks to everyone who has been out there for me last couple of days.
At one of the worst moments I wrote a song with my guitar. I arranged it later to piano. It has a lot of feelings I had at that moment, except that there is probably a lot of more hope than I had at that moment. I hate the sounds and I know it's a fucking Beethoven rip-off, but still it kept me alive for brief moment. here it is
(I hope I uploaded it right way and it works...)
Here is a picture of me right after I made that song. I look like shit. My face burned really bad that day. I took it just to remember how your own thought can kill you. It is one of the better ones.
I'm still not feeling very good, but at least I ate something yesterday. I'll cheer up and return stronger than ever. Hang in there kids!