Turkish illusions
2005-10-06 21:57 GMT
Those of you who've met turkish people have probably noted their repulsive outlook, generally bad language skills, tendency to flock and inbuild ability to make pizzas or kebabs. Now that nation known from its tradition to homosexuality and discrimination of kurds would like to join European Union. This would allow our friends Ali and Sefer a free access to European job market, which is overflowing with openings to hairy saddam-hussein-look-a-likes. Pizzeria AliSefer. Think about it.
As amazing as it is, turkish people don't see themselves this way. And apparently neither does Jack Straw, foreign minister of UK, who according to Helsingin Sanomat 3.10.2005 stated (translation back to english is mine) that we want Turkey to be a member of EU, because Turkey is a European country. My conclusion is that mr. Straw has never watched Eurovision song contest (where Turkey, Israel and Finland with several other borderline cases are allowed), eaten a kebab or seen ”Midnight train” (or whatever the infamous flick is called, where a stupid american ends up in turkish prison and meets Ali's bigger brother before escaping). After doing all these Jack would change his opinion.
Even if the turks themselves don't admit that the greatest cultural achievement during the past 200 years is kebab, even they won't say they are Europeans. No way. They say they are better. According to turkish view, based on short surveillance, couple of discussions over language barrier, articles about Turkey and Turkey tourist office, all great things and most of the good sceneries are or come from Turkey. Actually, and now I am referring forementioned HS and two separate discussions, turks say we shouldn't be worried. Although their overwhelmlingly developed ottoman culture is far superior compared with anything, they are not going to invade Europe again. This indicates that Turkish view of history ends up somewhere between 1800, when they already were kicked back to where they belong with greeks and other sheepfuckers, and 1920, when they actually were invaded and occupied by allied forces who build a base to modern turkish ”democracy”.
As far as I know one of the greatest (or at least latest) success in field of military, if you don't count in the continuing genocide of kurds, was kicking ANZAC corps back to the sea in WW1. Although Hinkler brothers fought bravely and secret platypuspatrol terrorized the country, turks won. From our point of view in that battle there were only losers.
My point is that because our supply for kebabs is already quite good, negotiations with Turkey about EU membership are useless and vain.
Your political commentator
Joe Suicide