What are friends for?
2005-08-08 09:01 GMT
I made a social phone call yesterday. Since I've been out of
the country for a relatively long time there still is a bunch
of people I haven't gotten back to contact with. My
ex-girlfriend, Laura, was one of them. Some of you might know
how we dated more or less constantly for almost five years
(Lauras opinion of the time is under constant change, yesterday
it was 4 and 3/4 years, last time we spoke 4 years and time
before that 5. Go and figure.) and even if our relationship
wasn't based on complete mutual trust, at least we had some
good times together, while growing up.
So you would think it would be nice to stay in touch and give a
call every once in a while and hear how the other party is
doing. So I gave her a call. And thought it would be about the
time since not counting few messages (like happy birthday and
merry christmas) last time we spoke was quite exactly a year
ago. But apparently it wasn't.
Tone in her voice told me almost instantly that I shouldn't
have bothered. It started with me asking how is she doing and
from there whole conversation went downhill. We managed, after
I asked specified questions about the one-word-answers she gave
me to exchange some information about our current life, like
whereabouts we live, where do we work, do we still study etc.
After that.like a slap to my face, she asked why I am calling.
My view of how it is important to keep in contact with people
whom you've known for long time wasn't convincing enough, and
when she kept asking I thought that what the hell and told her
that I thought we were still on friendly terms. This is when
she asked me what would she gain from friendship with me. I was
struck and the rest of the phonecall was mostly us bitching to
each other, while at least I did try to keep the conversation
on civilized level. After finishing the call I started
thinking.
What are friends really for and what do you gain by knowing
them? Do you really need to gain something? Isn't friendship
anymore a reason as itself? Have I missed something? Is
Alasdair MacIntyre really right that since antic greeks the
friendship as a institution is marginalized to common interests
and advantages of grouping up?
As far as I know we have friends to whom we can talk to and to
who we can trust, at least to certain levels. We have friends
with whom we can spend time with. Depending on friends you
might have to be drunk to really stand them, but so what. I am
sure that Aristotle, Plato and Socrates, especially Socrates,
were constantly drunk and they have given us the ideal picture
about friendship and values (although I don't necessary want or
need pederastic friendships between me and other men, but can
't condemn them either. If it would be a standard in our
society, we all would learn to enjoy about it.) related to it.
And if something comes between friends, would it be so hard
just wait for some time (like 1,5-2 years or something) and do
like Dharma does every seventh year.
Put it in the bubble and blow it away.
After that it is a fresh start.
For friends.
Bitch.
Joe
By the way, my housemate was very creative today and built a bong.
Check out how it was done from here.