What is Bible all about

2005-07-26 17:26 GMT

I was lucky enough to find out what Bible is all about last night when I had to work 12 hours with Tero Hämäläinen, who had really "thought" these things through. This is what I learned.

1. The Bible is always right historically. Even if it is wrong.

Human kind was created apprx. 6000 years ago and there is no way of telling there would have been any humans before that. Except the neanderthals, who were Gods first try.

Moses led apprx. 1 000 000 people from Egypt to Canaan. Even though the distance between Cairo and Tel Avivis about 400 kilometers, the trip took 40 years and left no trace to find from desert. If all the israelians would have hold hands, the chain would have gone over the distance TWICE, and besides archeologists are just fools who want to hide the true evidence. Conspiracies rock.

Solomon had apprx. 1000 wives. Unfortunately at the time he was supposed to keep his court in Jerusalem, there is historical proof that in the city lived about 500 people. But come on, what do the archeologists know?

2. The Bible is right morally. Even if it is wrong.

There is no such things as a merciful God. He punishes the sins of the father to the children and with big ones even to their kids. So if your child borns without hands or has to be considered as a "factory second" in some other way, it is probably your fault. Or your parents. it is in the genes and God knows!

Because of the genes God knows from the start if the kid is going to grow god or bad. This isn't exactly stated in the Bible, but you can make inductions from prophecies. So to fulfill one of these prophesies it was, in theological way, right from God to get rid of the bad seeds of his chosen nation in camps of Auschwitz. It might seem unfair to most of us, but it is the prophecy and if the Bible says it is, then it is. Period.

3. Proof for the UFOs is hidden in bible.

By doing huge logical leaps, you can deduct that there is extraterrestial life from the Bible. Elia, one of the major prophets, was taken to heaven by flaming horses and chariots (I should check the King James translation for the english version), which, according to my new mentor Tero, proves that he was actually taken to Heaven, which is a concretical place up there.

These Flaming chariots were seen in another occasion as well, when they helped to defend Jerusalem by appearing to the enemies of the israelians. After that there has been no documentation of them and for example Jesus Christs says nothing about the subject.

And there is no heaven. There are heavens, where the other sons of God live and travel here to do things like aforementioned. It doesn't say it in the Bible, but you can read it from between the lines. Or at least Tero, who unlike all the rest of christians interprets sons of God as aliens and not as angels, can. But his interpretation is as good as any. Isn't it?

4. The Bible must be read literally. Even when you don't.

Genesis, or the story about God creating earth and us, takes place during 6 days of hard work and one hard night and the day after it, when God had to rest a bit. Although all the other figures in the Bible, like ages of first men, measures of Noahs ark and number of the Davids army, are correct, these six days of creation must be interpreted to be billions of years. Do I need to say more?

5. Bible can be interpreted only in one way. Except when you'll have to change your opinion.

In finnish translation of the bible appears to be line where the enemies of the faithful few attack at the end of times over the vast plains of earth translated as "yli maan avaruuden". With extremely limited knowledge of the finnish language you could translate it to english something like "over the earth space", where "space has the same meaning it has in Star Trek. Even Tero had to come up with new interpretation in his UFO theory, where this line was one of the clearest proofs..

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12 hours I had to spent with Tero were tragicaomical. he actually got mad at me when I started pointing out the inconsistecies of his theories and bible. He had to constantly change his views and use "strawman"-arguments where you talk about something else when the actual question is left unanswered.

Sad thing was to see how satisfied he was with himself and how he didn't have any faith in anyone else than himself. He felt fooled by the scientist, witches and fools. Only thing he could be sure of was that the bible wasn't changed in any way. How? It says so. He was the extreme minority standing by himself with his thought and interpretations.

But for himself he was majority, because "God was on his side".

Joe