Joe's diary
Fat points of Panzerfaus
Frederick Faust, also known as "Panzer" for his appetite for
well-built women, visited the Suicide Surfers over New Years.
It was quite a typical visit. Lots of drinking, some sauna,
burning Santa Claus candles from both ends and playing game of
"Piikkaa Läskiä" or " (2007-01-04 16:05 GMT)
Office
Place I work is actually my first experience of small offices.
At my first office job there were 24 people when my career
started and about 45 when I walked out of the door. People
liked their jobs, some of them even obviously too much, and
didn't change them during the one and (2006-11-28 19:38 GMT)
Long time, no write
For some reason I have slipped from my way of keeping this
diary in the internet. Today there was a need to locate our
favourite homosexual movie about Alis and Sefers blooming love
and while trying to figure where it was stored, I red through
couple of my past entries.
(2006-11-25 19:54 GMT)
Twentyseven
Yesterday, along with Midsummers Eve, I celebrated my 27th
birthday. Fianlly I have reached the age when all the best rock
stars, actors and other significant people checked out. This
doesn't mean that I should do the same. Come on, how many
leading roles or hit songs has Joe Su (2006-06-24 14:32 GMT)
When in Helsinki, you can piss anywhere
Ok, 1st of May came and went by with typical celebrations.
Weather was good, which meant the people were even more drunk
than usual. I'm not gonna write much more about it, go and
check the pictures from galleries.
All foreigners should note how amazingly everybody wea (2006-05-07 21:10 GMT)
New World Order
Finally there is order in my home. It took almost two months,
but now all the essential furniture have been bought and
delivered. If you read the earliest entries of this diary
you'll notice that most of my worldly possessions were thrown
away before leaving to Australia. That l (2006-04-23 11:13 GMT)
Cleaning Up
Last week was spend mostly by cleaning up. Felipe isn't really
messy person and contributed his share in housekeeping work,
but the fact is that when you have someone staying at your
place, cleaning isn't the first thing you worry about. So there
was lots of vacuuming and dishin (2006-04-15 17:29 GMT)
Subcommandates Guide to the Gorilla Warfare
It has been really busy week. As I already posted last week,
Felipe, the infamous subcommandante, came to visit me for a
week.
Saturday: Felipe arrives to Helsinki Vantaa airport, where he
is warmly greeted by the custom officials. Illegal substances
aren't found ( (2006-04-09 18:02 GMT)
Subcommandate returns
Felipe came to Finland. We've been talking years about the
possibility and now he actually did it. For those who might
want to travel between Berlin and Helsinki, it might be useful
to know that currently the cheapest company is blue1.fi. Hell,
Felipe paid less than 80€ for th (2006-04-02 13:27 GMT)
Gardening guy
I haven't been writing lately much. One major excuse for the
past week and a half has been Bob's tour in America, which has
leaved me with bigger responsibilities than I first thought.
Yes, for those of you who don't know, I am currently employed
by my longtime friend and comrad (2006-03-26 13:08 GMT)
Analyzing meetings
It has been relatively long time, before my current position,
when I had to ran in meetings drinking tea and discussing about
common interests. Now when I am starting to get used to again,
my interest in that sort of social interaction is getting
aroused once again.
(2006-03-14 23:04 GMT)
Tired
Bus strike ended quietly and to tell you the truth I hardly
noticed it at all. Unfortunately I am just too exhausted to
write any crap right now, since I visited Turku today. Tomorrow
I'll try to give some account of my comings and goings lately.
Joe
(2006-03-13 20:14 GMT)
Immobilised Helsinki
Now when my job is to move around our beautiful capital city
instead of playing computer and reading Cosmopolitan, our
busdrivers decide to start a strike. Denying their right to do
that is hard or impossible, even for a capitalistic pig I am
becoming. It sort of pisses me off, (2006-03-05 22:12 GMT)
Direct Marketing
There are two ways of doing direct marketing. First and more traditional one is just to do it. Shoot your letters, e-mails and other crap you feel like delivering to whomever might get your message. Problems with this approach are almost so obvious it is questionable, if they should even be listed h (2006-02-25 23:09 GMT)
Sound of Didgeridoo
It seems that my habit of keeping this diary updated at least twice a week has somehow lapsed. Main reason for this during the past week and a half has been my new status of a fully employed citizen. And since I have once again joined the class of people who upkeep the rest of our precious society, (2006-02-19 13:08 GMT)
Real jobs
Occasionally I have noticed referring to things I'd love to do for living as "real jobs". Difference between a real job and a job nobody gives a damn is complex. It is not only the salary, because by doing shitty jobs or manual labour you can make a decent living. Hell, if you are trained (2006-02-12 12:19 GMT)
Categorizing
World seems to divide in two categories on almost every aspect. Other one is valued as positive and the other as negative. Some examples:Two kinds of women:1. Fat (positive, each is equivalent for one point)2. Thin (negative, no points in the game)Two kinds of theologists1. Female (positive, each is (2006-02-06 13:55 GMT)
Radio Pavlov
Todays diary entry will unfortunately be understood only by those who have advanced skills in finnish. This is because my main issue is to bring a short radio clip to you guys. Today I had to participate to a communications class, which is a obligatory part of my vague university degree. Since my st (2006-01-31 15:22 GMT)
Gang Colours
Lately updating this site haven't been my number one priority. It is quite near though, but lots of my creative energy has gone to building up DeathMonkey MC website. If you haven't visited there lately, I've added some descriptions of the waypoints and short descriptions of the three committed monk (2006-01-28 14:23 GMT)
Fast adaptation
Probably the best thing in really cold weather is how you really adapt to it. now when the temperature rise up till 0/+1C it doesn't even feel cold. Nevertheless I am bitter for Bob who managed to get himself to Africa for couple of weeks. And that bastard can't even take sun without getting burnt.I (2006-01-23 20:30 GMT)
-20 Degrees. Fucking cold.
I was quite pissed off with weather this morning. It has been relatively warm winter until now and temperature hasn't dropped under -10 degrees (celsius). Yesterday was around that, but this morning when I looked the thermometer we have by our window, I saw that winter has truly began. -20C. Fact th (2006-01-19 13:16 GMT)
Lack of fights
There haven't been many fights during the past year. It might be a sign of maturing or getting old or lack of social life. Actually the first fight reported in this site back in 2004 seems to be the last as well. From last autumn I remember only one occasion that led me to violent actions towards an (2006-01-12 14:53 GMT)
Knitting industry
Bob, who knows much more about information technology than I do, recommended me to claim this and DeathMonkey site. Claiming a site sounded little bit suspicious, but he told me, that by doing it both sites would get more hits. More hits is more publicity and as Rolling Stones said back in the day, (2006-01-10 19:24 GMT)
24 Hours of Security
24 hours is exactly the amount of security work I'll have to do before I am free of it again. Unlike Jack Bauer and his job in popular tv-serie 24 my job hasn't exactly been taking care of national interest or securing presidents. To describe how these past months have been is hard. I can't brag abo (2006-01-08 23:07 GMT)
New site launched
We have launched an official website for Project DeathMonkey. From now on all information related to our "motorcycle" club can be found at www.deathmonkey.org. I will continue keeping my personal diary here, but at the same time I will do some postings to the new site. Along with the crap (2006-01-06 11:24 GMT)
First Vehicle for DeathMonkey MC
Today is a grand day for our motorcycle club. We have now an actual moped. Although it is not an original Honda Monkey, it is the next best thing. A copy made by korean children in factories known for their brutality and high quality mopeds. A real Jincheng.Our clubs explosive expert and I were forc (2006-01-04 21:19 GMT)
Joe's view on Dating and Mating
As everybody who follow the western calendar are aware, year is changing tomorrow. Of course changing number on your calendar is totally meaningless, since we can live only in this moment, but in the time of quartal-economics, it is easy to mark your successes and achievements by tying them into dat (2005-12-30 21:54 GMT)
All Workers Unite
Against my predictions Christmas went by without solitude and grief. On Christmas Eve me and Jay went out looking for a decent night club and got completely wasted. On Christmas day I met Mike in the morning and we visited local prison to see one unlucky friend of ours. For the record, he still had (2005-12-27 11:10 GMT)
Christmas Shoes
Because any of my relatives doesn't give me real presents, but prefer to express their caring by giving me money, I had to buy my own present. As a man who likes to walk rather than using other forms of transportation I've always been ready to invest more money to my footwear than average university (2005-12-24 11:01 GMT)
Don't Tell Mama
I have been living quite modestly since I got back to Finland. There haven't been much drinking or great episodes of even greater drunkenness, but every once in a while it is necessary to cut yourself loose and run into the wild night. This happened to me on Thursday, when after listening two lectur (2005-12-18 11:55 GMT)
December Angst
As the birthday of Santa Claus is getting closer and closer some things start to bother otherwise eased minds. Tradition binds us to buy presents to people we know and more expensive presents to people we care. And since the present tells a whole tale about its giver, there is a lot of thinking to d (2005-12-13 22:18 GMT)
Fortress of Individuality
Anna-Kaisa is graduating from her school next Friday. Four years she has studied to become a perfect girlfriend for an active athlete like myself. Since it is polite and wise to pretend interested of her doings I've learned a thing or two about our educational system regarding the so called ammattik (2005-12-08 13:02 GMT)
Running with Bulls
Couple of days after our planning meeting for the Project DeathMonkey, I came to realise that just by moving our starting date by four days, we will be able to run with the bulls at Pamplona. Some of us, including all current full members, have already done it at least once, but since the adrenaline (2005-12-01 21:00 GMT)
Midget Porn
Last night after having sex an old plan that haunts me time to time came back to me. As all dreams of an adult white male from temperature zone where no intelligent lifeforms should be found, this included porn. Midget porn to be more specific. Me and my partner exercised our brains by planning a mi (2005-11-26 14:44 GMT)
Business Opportunities
If I would be skilled hunter with generations of experience of hunting rare animals behind me, what would I hunt?Rare Exports Inc.Check the video and enjoy. Do you guys think that there would be lots of market if SuicideSurfers would decide to do some real business?Other things buggering me lately h (2005-11-25 15:13 GMT)
DeathMonkey Meeting
MC DeathMonkey gathered for the first time on last Sunday. Before getting drunk we had time to discuss about organizing the trip and plan about things that must be included.Most important thing is the date. Start will be on 26.6.2006 from Helsinki. From Hanko we will cross the Baltic Sea by ferry an (2005-11-22 21:12 GMT)
Working Dilemma
I'm getting tired of doing what I have to do for living. There is nothing wrong in being a security guard. Especially if you've played the game long enough to know what kind of place you should be working in to get the most out of it. Some freaks like being all bossy or overenthusiastic about law an (2005-11-16 14:35 GMT)
Bruises and Weight Problems
I have a major weight problem. Unlike most of the people having a problem with their weight in northern hemisphere (or at least in Europe and USA) I don't have to loose a bit of it. My per cent of body fat seems to be comfortably less than 10 and for my 180cm I weight 75kg. The problem is apparent o (2005-11-10 12:16 GMT)
Reality Strikes
Day 5 and coming home
Fifth day of my trip was almost
completely spent watching movies from Panzerfausts massive collection
of illegally downloaded media. Rest of the day went by playing GTA3.
Reasons were simple. I was too tired to get around or do anything
spectacular and reality was catchi (2005-11-01 18:09 GMT)
Hitler Monuments
Day 4
Yesterday I mentioned about the state
you achieve after few days of drinking. I still agree that it isn't
as bad as hangover or at least less painful, but it is hard to get
kicks out of anything while you feel like bloated, but melancholic
creature without any ambitions or goals in (2005-10-31 12:26 GMT)
Bird Influenza
Day 3
Advantage in drinking many days in a
row is that you don't get such bad hangovers. You don't feel sober or
sometimes even that good, but you don't have a hangover. Most of
Felipes friends left in the afternoon and headed back to Bavaria,
where the mountains and dwarves protect them (2005-10-30 12:39 GMT)
Subcommandates Party
Day 2
After Robertos miserable attempt to
save the dope by landing the light shaft (or inner yard) by rope
secured by yours truly and subcommandante Felipe, boys just had to go
to talk with the neighbour downstairs. She took it well and Felipe
paid her 25€ to renew the broken window and s (2005-10-29 13:04 GMT)
Polizei and Mission Impossible
Trip to Berlin
Day 1
Although I didn't sleep very well on
the previous night, somehow it happened that I actually woke up at
the time intended. This was at 7.00 sharp, which is an unusual time
to wake on days you don't need to work. On my previous life, when
working was an everyday affai (2005-10-28 13:37 GMT)
Visit to Germany
Starting tomorrow, I'll make an extended weekend trip to Berlin. It is always a good idea to visit there, but this time is going to be particularly awesome because my friend Felipe has a major party coming on. So I'm gonna go there and get so damn wasted you wouldn't believe. I wouldn't either, but (2005-10-26 12:18 GMT)
Costs of Project DeathMonkey
Being a hero is easy and cheap only if you happen to run into an event where one is needed and you manage to live through it. Acquiring heroic status by other means isn't that cheap. Since our plan is to get closer to this noble goal by driving our Honda Monkey mopeds from Helsinki to Gibraltar, it (2005-10-21 15:30 GMT)
Presidential Nominations
Yesterday it came to me, that because of our new moped club DeathMonkey MC Finland I can finally give myself a title of President. This means that our organization, although not as large as Hells' Angels or Bandidos, has to respect and obey in most of the things related to driving around with Hond (2005-10-14 15:49 GMT)
DeathMonkey 2006
New project is beginning. To continue our victorious career in rallyes, team Muerte Despacchio is planning to drive a race from Helsinki to Geibraltar in 2006 summer. You can see some of the details from http://www.suicidesurfers.org/about/deathmonkey-2006/ but practically the whole project is in it (2005-10-12 15:48 GMT)
Turkish illusions
Those of you who've met turkish people
have probably noted their repulsive outlook, generally bad language
skills, tendency to flock and inbuild ability to make pizzas or
kebabs. Now that nation known from its tradition to homosexuality and
discrimination of kurds would like to join European (2005-10-06 21:57 GMT)
Chilling Out
As I've mentioned before, at them moment my main interest is to graduate from the university or at least finish my thesis before christmas. To accomplish this I took some counceling from my faculty, arranged a place to do my obligatory internship and signed to all the classes that needed to be done (2005-10-04 23:07 GMT)
Matti Nykänen, Ikaros of Jyväskylä
Day we all waited came. Matti Nykänen, worlds greatest ski-jumper, legendary singer and husband of Empress of Sausages Mervi Tapola, was released from jail on 21.9.2005.Event got the publicity it deserved. Matti swore that he wouldn't eat sedatives or other drugs and although a small argument betwe (2005-09-27 02:34 GMT)
No more long hair
So I cut my hair and am practically bald. It is better to lose by cutting it yourself than because of some weird and slightly disgusting disease, like my friend Kizzy is doing. Reasons for this change in style are practical. Less hair I have, less likely it is to stuck under other wrestlers while sp (2005-09-22 23:56 GMT)
New information about veneral diseases
Unlike you are thinking, I haven't caught anything, or at least there isn't any symptons. So all the girls I've had sex so far can relax for now. But my dear friend Kizzy has catched something so strange form of chlamydia, that I just have to link her site here again, so the ones who can read finnis (2005-09-18 15:59 GMT)
Joe Suicide's Unholy Private Eye
It is already past midnight and there are still hundred of pages to read. I am playing Nina Simone "Feeling Good" and I actually am. It doesn't matter that flu might be catching me tomorrow or that wake-up is at 6:30, because training starts at 7:15. Still there are things to feel good abo (2005-09-14 00:40 GMT)
Academic hangover
Yesterday I had few beers with Kizzy after we finished our latin lesson for the day. Yes, you red it right. I am studying latin. Reason for that is my ambition to graduate from university and after finding out what else do I need for my masters degree, the only way getting those damn papers is to st (2005-09-07 18:36 GMT)
Official Suicide Surfer Competition
September 2005To celebrate the past year and 1st anniversary of this website, I announce competition for all you exhibitionists out there. To participate, all you have to do is e-mail me an erotic or just plain naked picture of yourself.As in all good competitions we have something YOU just might wi (2005-09-02 12:26 GMT)
My body is my temple
If you ask my opinion what is most surprising about the search strings that lead to this site, I'll have to express my surprise that so many of you are actually looking for "gay porn" or better yet "gay facking". I don't condemn that in any way, but you are probably little bit di (2005-08-27 22:19 GMT)
First invitation for 2006
On Friday night we had a small gettogether with my friend Bob Frozen. We've known each other about a decade by now and during this time we've pulled some rememberable things together. To mention some we did run with bulls couple of years back, planned an revolution for Himalaya Corporation and drove (2005-08-21 08:42 GMT)
Kickboxing and brasilian jujutsu
It took some time, but finally I have started training the
right things again. This means that I tarained 4 times last
week. Once bjj, twice submission wrestling and once kickboxing.
On Monday I puked, Tuesday and Thursday got really sore
afterwards and on Friday I had my f (2005-08-13 12:16 GMT)
What are friends for?
I made a social phone call yesterday. Since I've been out of
the country for a relatively long time there still is a bunch
of people I haven't gotten back to contact with. My
ex-girlfriend, Laura, was one of them. Some of you might know
how we dated more or less constantly for a (2005-08-08 09:01 GMT)
Joes shooting range
Since the days are long when you concentrate on working or finding more satisfying job, I have had to create some entertainments. Lifting weights is one of the best ways to make time pass, but you just can't do it or any other physical sport with hangover. That is why I have opened a personal shooti (2005-07-31 14:43 GMT)
What is Bible all about
I was lucky enough to find out what Bible is all about last night when I had to work 12 hours with Tero Hämäläinen, who had really "thought" these things through. This is what I learned.
1. The Bible is always right historically. Even if it is wrong.Human kind was created apprx. 6000 (2005-07-26 17:26 GMT)
Recommendation for the Flying Pigs
In addition to the japanese classic Porco Rosso, our section of Flying Pigs should now have another cinematic hero. And I definetely do not mean Howard Hughes in The Aviator.Our hero for the day is Sky Captain, played by Jude Law in "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow". Although the plo (2005-07-22 09:52 GMT)
Tuska stands for pain
My process for settliung down is still ongoing. Although my daily rhytm has changed to more normal, situation is not yet stable or satisfactory. My job as a security guard is easy and uneventful, but this causes it to be a bit boring. It is alright to be bored when rent and visa-bill must be paid so (2005-07-15 11:00 GMT)
One week, two jobs
I started this week with high hopes, because I had a new job. Job sucked so bad and the boss was such an asshole, that I quit after my fourth day there. With that effort even the rent of my new apartment won't get paid.But like kizzy says, leave the monkeyjobs for monkeys. That is the reason to star (2005-07-08 00:54 GMT)
Homecoming King
Life isn't normal. I have already met most of my friends, broken my promise to be sober until Christmas and started writing "Whole Fucking Story", which will summarize whole fucking Suicide Surfer -experience.Since I am bit busy now, those of you who read finnish can enjoy my friends Kizzy (2005-06-28 14:51 GMT)
Land of Thousand Lakes
I'm back.Same faces. Same bars. In Rock Bar SuicideSurfer drink has become one of the most best selling drinks. Tang offered me one, when I stopped by.I'm back.Different life. I have a girlfriend and I am not training. Strange combination. I'll have to fix the equilibrium of this by starting some vi (2005-06-16 13:10 GMT)
Return to British Empire
Yesterday I visited British Empire, this time at the southern Europe. As more educated will guess, my daytrip was to Gibraltar, where you can see
CavesApesBritish tourists.Separating apes (plenty) from tourists (even more), especially british, is relatively hard, but by taking heaps of photos around (2005-06-12 22:19 GMT)
Grifo of Ronda
Yesterday me and Anna-Kaisa visited one of the best bars ever. It wasn´t the cheapest, you had to pay for your tapas and location is in sewer city of Ronda. I call it as a sewer city because of the distinctive smell, which arises from small river deep down in canyon separating old and new part of t (2005-06-09 20:20 GMT)
Fuck Australia, Long Live the King of Spain!
I am having time of my life. Again. But before telling you about my present situation it is crucial to tell some things about last week or so.
1. The SuicideCow did not burn.
Although it seemed likely that only way to get rid of the van would be to burn it, we managed to sell it to a swedish backpac (2005-06-07 18:13 GMT)
Luxury of sauna
Except the fact that the YHA backpackers I am currently staying is one of the most expensive hostels I've been in, it has some luxuries other backpacker accommodations lack. In 9th floor they have swimming pool and a real sauna. During the last three nights I've spent there, I have used it twice (2005-05-27 08:09 GMT)
Pederasts of the Universe
I just realized how few have my diary entries been during this month. This is mainly because there haven't been much to tell. Last week has been spent mainly drinking, most of the nights at Indy's Backpackers where I stayed until today. It was quite nice to have another traveller from Helsinki to ke (2005-05-24 10:17 GMT)
Day of work
On Monday I did third day of work in Australia. I've been staying in backpackers where you can relatively easy get jobs. So far I haven't been really interested, because last weekend I had a small flu and had to spend my time mostly in bed reading. But on Monday it was gone and a fellow traveller ma (2005-05-18 06:30 GMT)
Out of shape and still not training
Probably the biggest thing in my mind lately has been training. Of course there are other problems, like getting rid of the SuicideCow, not getting laid and living like a homeless bum, which actually describes me quite well.
Thing with training is that current headquarters of the Platypus Korps i (2005-05-08 05:03 GMT)
Killing time
Main reason for this diary entry is the need to get my mobilephones battery recharged. Easiest way, when you are living in a van is to walk to an internet cafe, surf the net and recharge the battery.
Last few days routine has been waking up relatively early, getting out from the warm womb of Suicid (2005-05-04 09:53 GMT)
Glada Vappen!
This is first vappu in ten years I am not drinking heavily and first vappu in at least six when the drinking haven't been constant for days.But you guys back home; your responsibility is to drink my share as well. So even if it is cold and rainy out in the streets, be brave and go there. And remem (2005-04-30 10:17 GMT)
Resurrection of The Platypus Korps
BattleCow lives! Problem was with the battery, which had ran out because van was left to the beach for three weeks without using it. After pushing it down the hill we got it running and local mechanic assured us that battery only needs to be charged. Now it is charged and instead of a useless carcas (2005-04-26 07:48 GMT)
Anzac Popes of Drunkenland
After waiting almost 22 years for John Paul II to die, I decided it wasn't worth belonging to catholic church. So couple of years ago I resigned. Seems like I should have waited few more years to get my chance of being elected as replacement to that conservative bastard. As any of you with any educa (2005-04-23 06:27 GMT)
Beachbums in Dead Cow
Yesterday was an interesting day. Finally Rachael threw me out of her apartment. It was about time to leave anyway, because I was getting tired of listening her childish opinions, which she had apparently received straight from 9 o'clock news without any criticisism or ability to think things throug (2005-04-20 07:40 GMT)
Autumn in Australia
Slowly and almost unnoticed it starts to turn to autumn. Although days are still well above 20, I haven't weared shorts in a while. This isn't what I was promised. Where is my eternal summer?
At least it isn't snowing and won't be if the locals are to be trusted. And I say if because they can't be t (2005-04-15 09:40 GMT)
Metropolis
I can't describe how happy I am now when we are back among the civilization atleast couple of hours of drive away from "Mildura-people" and other uncivilized and uneducated places. Although we are still in Australia and both of those attributes fit quite well to the whole country. It is go (2005-04-08 06:36 GMT)
Houseguest in Sydney Harbour
Already 3 days in Sydney . And I haven’t had to sleep a single night in Cow after arriving here. This is because my friend Rachael happened to get her new mobile phone on Wednesday and gave me a call inviting us to stay at her place. Her apartment has a perfect location right next to the harbour a (2005-04-02 09:57 GMT)
Back to Bronte Beach
Suicide Surfers are in Sydney again! You wouldn't believe what kind of monkeys this country is full as soon as you leave any of the major cities or the eastern coastline. To keep it short, we had to hang in Wagga Wagga over the weekend, because bad luck follows Jay and he just can't get laid. If the (2005-03-30 13:59 GMT)
Wagga Wagga and Mildura people
Missionary was on his divine mission to deliver the good message of the God even to the most distant places. To get to that most distant place, he had to walk through notorious forest, where natives still lived wild lives and natural law was the only law. Bravely our missionary started his three day (2005-03-27 07:30 GMT)
Cancers of society
Real life hits you when you least expect it. It has been six months after leaving Finland. My real life back home seems to have stopped to exist or at least it seems like there won’t be much to go back to. This sounds over dramatical even to me, but when I look back it might be true. Girl I was (2005-03-23 11:10 GMT)
Lovely girls of Adelaide (edited)
Life has been smiling for the last couple of days after we got back to Adelaide . As I mentioned earlier a girl, who wasn’t worth points (meaning she was not fat), got an interest in me and I got laid. This experience is starting to convince me that you just can’t get laid when you are sober. So (2005-03-17 05:38 GMT)
Too fit: Zero points
Just a short but happy announcement. I got laid again and this time it wasn't a fat girl. This means, that when looking at it from perspective of our ongoing game, I wasted my energy, but you have to have fun at sometimes. Then again you can think how fun it is when Jay is laughing and staring (and (2005-03-15 08:05 GMT)
Stench of a roadkill; Uluru and beyond
I am writing this entry on Wednesday night with high hopes of uploading this tomorrow. In three days I have driven our dear SuicideCow about 2000km from Adelaide to Ayers Rock, or Uluru as aboriginals like to call it, and after that to Alice Springs. It has been long and exhausting drive through was (2005-03-10 08:21 GMT)
Fat of the land. Our adventures from Melbourne to Adelaide.
This has been the longest period when I haven’t updated my diary. Reason for this is simple; we’ve been travelling or staying in places where the internet cannot reach. But here is a short version of what has been happening.When we got to Melbourne
, we followed a tip given by the previous ow (2005-03-06 08:26 GMT)
Graveyard of Melbourne
After couple of hard days sitting in a car we finally arrived to Melbourne. So far it hasn't been great experience, because we just found out that Josh is still in Italy and Mark is occupied this weekend. But we will manage. Worst news for the day is that for some reason government isn't satisfied w (2005-02-26 08:55 GMT)
Towards Melbourne
Finally Jays new bankcard arrived and we are free to move on. Actually Jays card arrived probably two weeks ago to the post office, but for some reason they were unable to find that or the pin-code card until today.
If you are ever expecting anything important to post office while in Australia, mak (2005-02-22 05:59 GMT)
Dancing jig in Hero of Waterloo
As far as I know jig is a irish dance, which looks funny and has become known mostly because of Michael Flatley.
At the moment life is smiling, although I have lost Jay early yesterday and noticed that it might be that I have less than 200 dollars to spend on the rest of the month. Why, would be a g (2005-02-19 05:14 GMT)
Nothing new under the sun
So I have given up of getting laid. It might be, that I'm not trying at the moment, but living in a van just somehow gets you and makes you think it is unlikely that any woman would like to follow you to your cave and play the old game of hiding sausage. And so far this has been true and I am starti (2005-02-17 06:30 GMT)
Happy Valentine, you bastards!
Happy Valentine for those of our readers who have friends or other social life. Since my social life at the moment is limited to Jay and people I kick or throw when training hapkido, I don't expect this day will be different than yesterday, although Jay has been bragging of going out to some bar, si (2005-02-14 07:24 GMT)
Terrorists from Scandinavia
"I am really, really sorry, but you guys can't get any security training and therefore can't do any security work here in Australia, because of our new antiterrorism law. We are not so worried about Europeans or Americans, but for a certain group of people we are not allowed to name."
-Se (2005-02-11 04:06 GMT)
Hapkido with Geoff Booth
After
arriving back to Sydney and with intentions of hanging around here for two weeks, one of the
first things for me to do was to find hapkido dojang ran by Master Geoff Booth,
7th dan. That gentleman happens to be master to some of my friends’ in back in Scandinavia and was actually even (2005-02-08 06:30 GMT)
Short guide to freecamping in Australia
1.0 Preface
As easy as
it sounds freecamping as a way of life requires few qualities from the person
who intends to accommodate himself somewhere along the road for free. Besides
of those qualities, there are certain things to be considered when deciding
where to stay. Because I have been (2005-02-08 06:28 GMT)
Day in Forster
We are still alive. After leaving Taree, where I last time wrote a diary entry, we drove down to Forster, where the 9 Mile Beach starts. After deciding to stick with freecamping, we found a good spot and I went to the beach to smoke a joint. Joint was a bit large for the occassion, because I grew re (2005-02-05 07:47 GMT)
Back in New South Wales
I'm writing this entry from a place called Taree, where we stopped for a little rest before traveling forward. From Bundaberg we have came 1000 km to the south. Just a moment ago Jay noticed that it isn't as hot and humid anymore, it is only hot. Without any knowledge about climate of Australia, I a (2005-02-03 04:48 GMT)
Road to south
We have just decided to abandon the godforsaken "city" of Bundaberg, where Hitlers lost half-brother spent his early years dreaming about germany, beer, bratwurst and holochaust under the fake, but obvious name of Bert Hinkler. Healthy decision is to head to the south, preferably to Sydney (2005-01-27 09:20 GMT)
Unemployed slaves of Bundaberg
Most of you probably know, that I am pro-slavery man. It was a shame that United States ended the use of slaves in 19th century and let all of those slaves to become lazy criminals and fill the jails of that beautiful legal system in the best country of the world. Some of you who know me a little bi (2005-01-25 07:58 GMT)
Back to basics with lifestyle and ASP Taekwondo
Sometimes some things just don’t go right. As I’ve previously written
about Nomads Workers and Divers Hostel in Bundaberg, they had almost everything
wrong. In our weeks stay, they managed to get us jobs for two days. Altogether
we earned maybe 200 AUD, which didn’t even cover our expen (2005-01-21 08:09 GMT)
Technical difficulties with photos
Sorry guys, but for some reason I just can't upload photos right now. Short abstract about the content is that there are lots of pics of me and Jay drinking with random backpackers and some pictures of the time Anna-Kaisa spent with us.
Best news of the day was to see that at least one woman thinks (2005-01-16 07:29 GMT)
Bundaberg Workers & Diving Hostel Review
I am writing this entry mainly because I am pissed off at Nomads Workers and Divers Hostel in Bundaberg. And because we live in the time of the internet, I can always pay back by complaining on them there. The main reason for me to be an unsatisfied customer starts from Brisbane. Why Brisbane? Becau (2005-01-15 09:46 GMT)
Cutting the grass for fat bastards
First honest days work for eight months is behind me. It was actually behind me yesterday, but I just couldn't get in the internet then and today we had some technical difficulties, when I tried to update this page from internet cafe. So there is no pictures for today, but I'll try to connect the la (2005-01-14 07:20 GMT)
Modern age meets slavery in Australia
After ten great days with Anna-Kaisa traveling up to town of 1770 and back to Brisbane seeing interesting places, like Finnish Memorial Park in Bli Bli and Australia Zoo, realities hit us hard. As you've noticed, we haven't worked a day since we arrived, so we've been practically spending saved mone (2005-01-12 05:39 GMT)
Scent of a woman. From Brisbane to Bundaberg.
As I already mentioned, it has been quite busy for couple of days. This is mainly because Anna-Kaisa decided to visit us. Practically this meant abandoning our settled lifestyle at Noosa and moving on. And to honest it was about time, cos how things were going, we would have never get apartments or (2005-01-07 06:06 GMT)
Some news from the road
This has been a busy week. We started on Saturday morning from Noosa Heads and picked up Anna-Kaisa from Brisbane airport. We stayed 2 days in Brisbane so A-K could get over her jetlag. On Monday we drove to Rainbow Beach, spent two nights there, moved for one night to Elliott Heads and on this morn (2005-01-06 06:37 GMT)
Considering the past I'm waiting for the future
2004 was probably hardest year I ever had. My original intention was to complain here how hard it actually was, but I came to second thoughts, because now everything is quite well. I just received the rego (vehicle registration) sticker for Cowvan, so there is a chance to avoid being stopped by cops (2004-12-31 04:15 GMT)
Reindeers who get laid
Because it seems that in Finland is a lucky reindeer, who against all probabilities has got laid recently, SuicideSurfers want to congratulate Skoll for ending his record breaking selibacy. Since I wasn't there to witness the happy event, among us some speculations were made what really happened to (2004-12-28 07:33 GMT)
Merry fucking Christmas to all Suiciders!
Time to start drinking again. Even if it gets more harder year after year, I am not ready to give up of the tradition being drunk for the whole Christmas. This time it is gonna be little more pleasant, because I don't have to be worried about passing out and freezing in taxi queue as you might guess (2004-12-24 04:38 GMT)
Second car accident revealed
I didn't write anything about this before, because there was a possibility that it would lead us to even serious problems. Unfortunately those problems caught us today in the form of police officer, while we were relaxing in the car.
Two days ago I had a minor clash with another car while parking th (2004-12-23 10:58 GMT)
Runners of life and Paolo Coelho
Yesterday we had a farewell party of Pete, who had spent six weeks in Noosa working at the Halse Lodge for food and accommodation. But finally he moved on to celebrate Christmas and New Years in Sydney. Hopefully he'll manage to get there and enjoys the rest of his life.
While drinking with people I (2004-12-22 01:58 GMT)
Surfing simulators
While trying to learn how to surf, I've analysed the experience you get by getting out there and "enjoying yourself". Because it is supposed to be such a great fun I couldn't help myself of thinking what would be the possibilities of commercialising this beautiful sport in countries where (2004-12-20 05:13 GMT)
Pre-Christmas drinking
Usually I would have been more strickt to myself about promising to upload pictures and stuff here. Pictures are ready to upload, but we've been drinking for the last couple of days. To be more precise we've been either very, very drunk or having a very, very bad hangovers. At the moment I'm enjoyin (2004-12-19 08:07 GMT)
Tropical climate
At last we are enjoying of weather that could be called tropical. As I've mentioned before it rained most of the last week, but when coming to end of it, days just were hotter and hotter, while on the evenings rain poured. Yesterday was some kind of a peak day for the heat, or so the manager of the (2004-12-15 09:51 GMT)
Sunshine Coast. Yeah, right.
As it sometimes happens, it can't always be sunshine and happiness while drinking pina coladas, even if you are located in Sunshine Coast. In othet words it has been raining almost constantly for three or four days and strong smell of wet or even dead dog has stuck to us and our possessions, espec (2004-12-11 07:28 GMT)
Haircut and more mosquitos
Now I am feeling like a new person again. I've shaven off my facials and just had a haircut. I don't know if these efforts are enough to get me laid, but now no one can clain, that I haven't done anything about my looks since leaving Finland behind. It was even a bit embarrassing to go to the barber (2004-12-08 08:07 GMT)
Surfboards and mating habits
First of all I am sorry that I cannot upload any pictures today. This is mainly because Australia is in stoneage what comes to internet services provided by several crappy internet cafes. Funny enough is that only reasonable place to connect your laptop to internet is in the shop we bought our surfb (2004-12-05 07:54 GMT)
Mosquitos and Burana 800
If you haven't yet red about me breaking our surfboard, just go to the previous diary entry and you'll find whole story.
This time I don't have much to tell you, except that we are still alive and Jay hasn't got laid although he has been trying desperately. I am sure, that very soon you'll find out (2004-12-03 02:18 GMT)
Lifespan of a surfboard
Life just goes fast. Especially for the surfboards. Dealer we
bought this surfboard from was quite convinced that we are
going to take this surfboard to Finland with us. We knew better
and laughed our heads off. That was about a month ago at Tweed
Heads.
Now we are (2004-11-29 07:37 GMT)
Hitting the bottom
You might think after seeing the title, that I've got depressed or finally generated a serious drug habit or that I've been abandoned. But none of these are the case. This time hitting the bottom is quite a literate expression. Last two days we have had quite nice surf with 5 to 6ft waves. And becau (2004-11-27 07:22 GMT)
Freecamping is the Way
It might even be that someone is actually thought how we have been living at Australia. Easy answer to that is we've been mostly sleeping in a car or tent because of the economic realities. Now it has been two months since we arrived to this continent and from that time we have spent about 3 weeks i (2004-11-24 06:02 GMT)
Quick trip to schoolies
Day before yesterday we made a quick decision to visit Surfers Paradise again, because it was "schoolies" time. This means that hell of a lot of youth aged around 17 gather to the Gold Coast. What we thought there might be was something like a public festival, like 1st of May back home, (2004-11-22 09:32 GMT)
Drivers lisence from Queensland
As you noticed from the news, I actually got myself drivers license. It is easy and cheap to get, but still I faced few problems.
First problem is growing laziness inside me. Cruel fact is that we have already spent almost two months on sacred grounds of Australia without achieving anything. Most o (2004-11-19 10:02 GMT)
Getting used to Halse Lodge
My computer is still busted, haven't got a job yet and most of my time is spent drinking beer. It could be much worse, because we have met a lot of interesting people to drink beer with. Hostel we are staying is called Halse Lodge and although we are sleeping in a dorm room it is a healthy change af (2004-11-17 02:08 GMT)
Staying in Noosa
We've spent 4 days here in Noosa and met lots of people and had heaps of fun. I had a full diary entry and pictures and other stuff ready to be uploaded, but again my laptop failed me. It seems that it'll be necessary take the money out of the insurance and buy a new computer.
Because whole day unti (2004-11-14 08:28 GMT)
Sunshine Coast and it doesn't even rain
1000km without major accidents. I am so proud, I could tap myself on the shoulder, if I wouldn't have done it already. First thousand is behind me as a driver of a motorvehicle and there have been only few minor accidents and scratches, which is good, because for some reason you can't get insurance (2004-11-11 08:42 GMT)
Suicide and moral duty
Suicide and moral duty
by Joe Suicide
1.0 Introduction2.0 Few concepts2.1 What is suicide2.2 What is duty3.0 Suicide in society4.0 Suicide in family4.1 Duties to your family as a unit4.2 Me or the others4.3 How to do it5.0 Summary
1.0 IntroductionHere are few analytical notes about the committing s (2004-11-08 05:36 GMT)
Computer problems from Surfers Paradise
Lately I have had my share of hard luck. I don't have credit card at the moment and latest misfortune is that my laptop dropped dead. It happened when I was updating the photo galleries earlier this week. Fortunately it broke down after I had uploaded the pictures.
We had to leave from Tweed Heads, (2004-11-06 10:03 GMT)
Surfboards and Stolen Credit Cards at Tweed Heads
I just found out, that I've been travelling in Japan. Since I didn't carry much cash there, I used my credit card to pay the bills. This would be nice if I'd seen Tokyo and other places there. Unfortunately it wasn't me seeing the wonders of the nation of rising sun, it was some lucky bastard who ha (2004-11-03 04:47 GMT)
Magical Halloween
On Friday noon we were traveling towards city of Nimbin. About Nimbin you can hear from almost every person, especially if he happens to be an ozzie. For some strange reason that particular town has very liberal policy with narcotics or atleast with marihuana. Since it was only an hour from Byron Ba (2004-11-01 04:49 GMT)
Disappointing Byron Bay
This is going to be a short entry, because I am sitting at a internet cafe writing it and we should be already heading to Nimbin which is the next major tourist attraction.
All the stories about how good place Byron Bay are false. It is a nice place to go to a bar, since there is plenty of them and (2004-10-29 04:05 GMT)
Australians as Africans
It won't stop to amaze me how friendly people here are. If you walk down the street almost everyone you pass greets you. Sydney was bit of different and more european in that way, but even there all were just mates. When we were sitting in a bar some locals have came to talk with us and invited us t (2004-10-26 11:49 GMT)
End of Selibacy
To make a long story short, me and Jay were drinking at Grafton. We drank a lot, smoked some weed offered by local aboriginals and went to karaoke bar. At this point forward Jay has no memories, but when the bar closed a fat single mother Amy, 23 years, offered us a place to stay, because to the car (2004-10-22 08:20 GMT)
From Coffs Harbour to Grafton
This is bit late and Iwrote this before getting laid, but didn't have the chance to upload it before this.
-------------------
We are still alive and free, even if i was unlucky enough to try how fast our Cow runs at Pasific Highway just when police patrol car passed us. On a good road downhill we c (2004-10-21 11:44 GMT)
The Swamp Thing
If you start thinking about the theory of evolution, maybe the most interesting part is that where some fishes move from sea to dry land and develop lungs. In last few days I've developed it little bit further. I don't think the fishes moved straight to dry land. Instead they did like african lungfi (2004-10-19 06:58 GMT)
Ditching the bitches
Best news for this week was to get rid of our former drivers, Anki and Saana, who turned out to be real pains in the ass. Can you imagine a situation, where two young girls are speaking about free camping, but on the other hand they are not willing to go anywhere lacking infrastructure like city lig (2004-10-17 06:20 GMT)
Moral duties
This morning I woke up alone, which is great experience and rare when you are travelling. Actually it has been more than month since the last time waking up alone without Jay or some other friend snooring next to me.But this valued experience had also its down side. It was to realize first how bad h (2004-10-15 06:14 GMT)
Activities from Port Macquarie
As you have noticed we haven't updated these pages in few days and now we both have entered couple of new entries and two new photo galleries. Reason for this quietness is quite simple. We have been mostly travelling in places, where internet is a rare resource. Cos it is rare in places like Tea Gar (2004-10-12 11:09 GMT)
Fighting Lesson from Tea Gardens
After seeing two fights here in Australia, one where I was involved and one bar brawl at Saturday, it is time to give some advices about fighting with these blokes.First thing that I've noticed is how they start their fights. All involved in the pub brawl and the irish I had the pleasure of confront (2004-10-12 11:07 GMT)
Learning to Drive
I am writing this after my first attempt of taking control over our already beloved team member "The SuicideCow". Getting the car started was the most difficult part, at least for me, since our Cow is little bit slow at the mornings. Difficult part for others started immediately after the (2004-10-08 06:50 GMT)
Routines for Suicide Surfer
Routines make your life more bearable. Without them you would have to think all things through again and again. Creating a routine is to make one decision, for example to lift things from place A to place B with your legs, not with your back. After doing the decision, you'll just repeat as long as n (2004-10-08 06:48 GMT)
The Suicide Cow
It has been quite quiet these past few days. Except for the excellent car we now own and the girls we recruited to drive us to the north! Yes, you red it right. Now we actually have two drivers so we don't have to start driving off cold in the central of Sydney. We can get out of the city and learn (2004-10-04 13:09 GMT)
First fight in Australia!
This happened 1.10.04After rainy day and few hours spent in a bar with Jay, we decided to go back to the hostel. I went to watch television and Jay went to edit our next video. Soon few blokes from the hostel announced their intention to go to the hotel Bondi for few more drinks and I decided to joi (2004-10-02 11:58 GMT)
Biltmore On Bondi
This is from 1.10.04Name of this diary entry is the name of the hostel we've decided to stay a week. It was actually second hostel in Australia we came up with although we've spent few days in different locations too. I'll have to admit that location of this hostel is nearly ideal. We are as close b (2004-10-02 11:56 GMT)
Fatburners
Fatburners.First the important stuff. I bought new eyeglasses. Positive side is that I can see television, bus numbers and peoples faces from a distance again. Negative side is to note how few good looking woman are around here. Earlier it has been easy to notice the shape of the body and see that r (2004-10-02 11:53 GMT)
Life without an address
This time you'll get to know how it is like to try to have your basic needs covered in foreign land called Australia. And this time "basic needs" are not a code word for pussy and beer. They practically mean opening a Post account, getting a Medicare Card and trying to get a drivers' licen (2004-09-29 13:40 GMT)
3 Minutes from the cinema
I've realized few things on these two nights spent in Australia. Actually there are only two of the things and in a way they are connected to each other.
First thing is realizing that Australia is a continent. Continent like Eurasia, Africa or South America. Continents start with capital letters. Re (2004-09-26 12:00 GMT)
Quick start to Bondi Beach
We woke up this morning with a thought of staying in Malaysia for two more nights so I got up and went to the reception to pay the bill forehanded. When I was anyway going to talk to the chinese, it didn't seem to be such a hassle to ask for the laundry service and about the taxi to airport.
Nice (2004-09-23 12:27 GMT)
Thoughts about Malaysia
19.9.2004
On Sunday morning Jay and me made an healthy and democratic decision to cut off the beer for now. Reasons? There are no reasons, except the one that we don't do any physical exercises at all at the moment. Those of you who know Jay personally have noticed that his belly has grown lately an (2004-09-21 09:36 GMT)
First day of the journey
So here is the more extensive diary about our first day of this journey. For me it actually started on the previous evening when I went out with my friends to have the last beer in Finland.
Last beer wasn't as close as I imagined and during the evening it came pretty obvious, that before the last be (2004-09-19 18:17 GMT)
Kuala Lumpur
We arrived in Kuala Lumpur 4am last night after 13 hour flight. We couldn't choose where we lodge, so we just picked an offer and a transport from the airport. As everyone knows, doing a thing like that ends you up ripped off, but there are times when you can afford it and times when the other chois (2004-09-18 16:45 GMT)
Last day in heaven
of single mothers, welfare bums and people who love beautiful landscapes crowded with reindeers.
Tomorrow morning we shall start our journey. On Saturday we shall see the mighty city of Kuala Lumpur and report how does it feel to live your life as a SuicideSurfer. Only negative side is the 13 hour f (2004-09-16 16:23 GMT)
Clayman
Bad signs have occurred. My laptop, which has worked perfectly, turned itself off yesterday, while I was spending my hangover day by travelling to Tampere. Luckily it turned on later on in the evening, but those few hours without any life signs were quite disturbing, since I have most of the recen (2004-09-13 15:10 GMT)
Two ways of growing
I had some thoughts about growing as a person today. Many times I've heard that you can grow by doing right decisions, taking more responsibilities and being a leader atleast for yourself. I've also heard that you grow fat, if you eat a lot, but I'm not going to write about nutritions today.Growin (2004-09-09 22:23 GMT)
Ever had that feeling, when
Ever had that feeling, when you wake up in the middle of the night and your heart is pounding, your mouth tastes like shit and next to you is laying something with long reddish hair, maybe someone that suspiciously looks like a male friend of yours? Can you sleep after that? Seems that I can't.Pos (2004-09-07 13:35 GMT)
Getting together to drink
As I said in my former diary entry, I've become homeless. For the last few days I've spent with my old friends from school. It was strange to meet them, cos last time we faced each other was four years ago. Naturally this situation leaded to drinking, starting from Tuesday and ending yesterday, whic (2004-09-03 17:35 GMT)
Project Mayhem
Finally it is time to let go of my apartment. Tyler Durden, character in Chuck Palahniuks novel Fight Club, might say "You are not the place where you live.". For me this has been especially true, because the part of the city where I've been living since January is often connected to rich (2004-08-31 14:47 GMT)
Cain & Abel
After Tuesday SuicideSurfer team starts lifestyle as homeless, but happy hobos. All unnecessary belongings have been given away to friends. Hardest part for me was to get the rid of the content of my liquer storage. Only solution I came up with was to invite everybody I know to destroy on only reaso (2004-08-30 01:11 GMT)
Pictures and stuff
Jay, who is an asshole, didn't want me to inform on news which cameras we bought. For photographing we ended up with Coolpix 3200 and for videocamera we decided to buy Panasonic NV-GS120.After this long and hard process of choosing a decent cameras with our limited budget, we came up to a conclusion (2004-08-27 17:39 GMT)
Diary created
1st diary log. about sixpack of beer behind me and site is built, thanks to my friend Bergie. Australia awaits. (2004-08-26 00:21 GMT)
2007: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2006: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2005: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2004: August September October November December